COME-TO Method: A Toolkit to Help Couples Complain Constructively

A ready-to-use multimedia resource for couples therapists & coaches – with videos and worksheets to turn complaints into collaboration and connection.

Why This Toolkit?

Most couples don’t know how to complain constructively—leading to blame, shutdown, or defensiveness. The COME-TO Method gives therapists and coaches a step-by-step framework to help couples:

✅ Voice frustrations without criticism (so partners listen instead of defend).

✅ Uncover the real emotions beneath surface-level anger (hint: it’s rarely just about the dishes).

✅ Collaborate on solutions instead of repeating the same fights.

What’s Inside?

This digital toolkit includes everything you need to teach couples how to complain productively:

• 📖 Quick Start Guide: Scripts and tips for introducing the method.
• 🎥 Client Explainer Video (8 min): Perfect for in-session or homework.
• 📝 Client Worksheet & Instructions: Guides couples through the COME-TO steps.
• 🎥 Training Video (38 min): Walkthroughs, role-plays, and FAQs for therapists.
• 📜 Transcripts: For accessibility and note-taking.

The COME-TO Acronym:

1. Context: Set the stage generously.
2. Observation: Stick to facts (no blame!).
3. Meaning: “The story I’m telling myself is…”
4. Emotions: Dig deeper than “hurt.”
5. Takeaway: What you need them to know.
6. Other Side: Partner recaps before responding.

Who’s It For?

• Therapists & Coaches: Add a proven structure to sessions.
• Conflict-Avoidant Couples: Safely voice needs without fear.
• High-Conflict Couples: Replace blame with collaboration.

Bonus: Use it for workplace, family, or friendship conflicts too!

🚀 Help couples build understanding, not arguments → [Get the Toolkit Now]